


Danganronpa Incorrect Quotes

by Pretty_Lies



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Asexual Tojo Kirumi, Bisexual Akamatsu Kaede, Bisexual Hinata Hajime, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, F/F, F/M, Gay Amami Rantaro, Lesbian Chabashira Tenko, M/M, Multi, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Pansexual Iruma Miu, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, Will Update Characters and Ships as They Appear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:06:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29329017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretty_Lies/pseuds/Pretty_Lies
Summary: Danganronpa Incorrect Quotes that I copy-pasted off my Tumblr!
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Saihara Shuichi, Amami Rantaro & Iruma Miu & Oma Kokichi, Amami Rantaro/Oma Kokichi, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Fujisaki Chihiro & Owada Mondo, Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Genocider Syo | Genocide Jack/Naegi Komaru, Harukawa Maki & Momota Kaito & Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Hinata Hajime & Nanami Chiaki, Hinata Hajime & Soda Kazuichi, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Ikusaba Mukuro/Maizono Sayaka, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, K1-B0/Oma Kokichi, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Kirigiri Kyoko & Naegi Makoto, Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg, Komaeda Nagito & Oma Kokichi, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Soda Kazuichi, Maizono Sayaka & Naegi Makoto, Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 100





	1. .+*Info!*+.

**Author's Note:**

> I just fished through my archive to get these. My Tumblr blog you might wanna check out: [@begone-despair](begone-despair.tumblr.com)

Just Danganronpa incorrect quotes that I copy-pasted off my Tumblr! 

If you can't find these on my blog, it's probably because these are kinda old. (I just fished through my archive.)

The chapters in this book are labeled by game! (Besides UDG, which I might include with THH or SDR2, depending on the characters that are in the quote.)

There are only 10 incorrect quotes in each chapter, so I can keep myself organized!

Some of the incorrect quotes have ships, which I'll note at the top of a chapter!

That's basically all you need to know about this hellhole of a book!


	2. ✦THH, #1✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Celesgiri, Naegami

**Byakuya:** "Thank you for agreeing to see me."

**Makoto:** "I didn't. You just walked in here and started talking—"

**Byakuya:** "I don't have time for a history lesson."

~

**Junko:** "I'm going to kill you."

**Makoto:** "Wait, let me ask Kyoko first."

**Junko:** "That's not how it works—"

**Makoto:** "She said no."

~

**Junko:** "I got my fortune read! It said that I'll die in four days!"

**Makoto:** "Really?"

**Junko:** "Yep! That means I'm immortal until then!"

**Makoto:** "That's not how it works—"

**Junko:** "I don't wanna hear it, Makoto! I'm gonna go and juggle chainsaws whilst skating!"

**Mukuro:** "Can I watch?"

**Junko:** "Duh! Who else is gonna hand me the next chainsaw?"

~

**Kyoko, to Junko:** "Well done. Here come the test results: 'You are a horrible person.' That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."

~

**Celeste:** "We both look beautiful tonight."

**Kyoko:** "You know, you could've just said that I look beautiful and I would've replied with 'so do you.'"

**Celeste:** "I wasn't about to take that chance."

~

**Makoto:** "I think I just figured something out! I gotta go!"

**Byakuya:** "Aren't you forgetting something?"

**Makoto:** "Uh..."

**Makoto:** *hesitantly kisses Byakuya and rushes out*

**Byakuya:** "No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?"

~

**Makoto:** *points a light at Leon*

**Leon, scoffing:** "What, is the light supposed to scare me or something?"

**Makoto:** *turns the light on*

**Leon:** "I killed her!"

**Leon:** "...What—"

~

**Kyoko, mumbling:** "Murderersaywhat."

**Leon:** "What?"

**Makoto:** "GUILTY!"

~

**Chihiro:** "I-I made this friendship bracelet for you!"

**Mondo:** "You know I'm not a jewelry person."

**Chihiro:** "Y-You don't have to wear it—"

**Mondo:** "NO! I'm gonna wear it forever—back off."

~

**Celeste:** "Here is my wall of inspirational women."

**Makoto:** "...It's full of pictures of you."

**Celeste:** "Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself."


	3. ✠SDR2, #1✠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Kuzusoda, Komahina

**Sonia:** "Ace of spades."

**Kazuichi:** "Uno! Draw four!"

**Ibuki:** "Pikachu, I choose you!"

**Hajime:** "What the hell are we even playing?"

**Nagito, loading a gun:** "Russian Roulette."

~

**Kazuichi:** "Dude—"

**Fuyuhiko:** "My tongue was in your mouth five minutes ago. Don't you fucking dare call me 'dude.'"

~

**Nagito:** "Wait, you like me? You like my personality?"

**Hajime:** "I know. I was surprised, too."

~

**Nagito:** "Just to make sure, are you asking me romantically or platonically?"

**Hajime, down on one knee, ring still out:** "You did not just fucking ask me that—"

~

**Chiaki:** "Uh-oh."

**Hajime:** "What?"

**Chiaki:** "Somebody's in love."

**Hajime:** "Yeah, right. I just think Nagito's really nice. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him."

**[Late at night]**

**Hajime, laying in bed:** " _Uh-oh_."

~

**Hajime:** "To prove he was in his cottage alone, I'd like to present Nagito's search history from that evening."

**Nagito:** "I-I'd rather just confess to the murder."

~

**Nagito:** "Hajime and I are no longer friends."

**Hajime:** "That's literally the worst way to tell people we're dating."

~

**[Nagito's phone rings]**

**Fuyuhiko:** *peers over*

**Fuyuhiko, laughing:** "You still call your dad 'Daddy'?!"

**Nagito, picking up, not breaking eye contact:** "Hey, Hajime!"

**Fuyuhiko:** *cHoKeS*

~

**Nagito:** "What am I doing wrong?"

**Hajime:** "Do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist?"

**Nagito:** "As a friend."

**Hajime:** "See a therapist."

~

**Hajime:** "You're so annoying."

**Nagito:** "Then stop holding my hand."

**Hajime:** "No."


	4. »NDRV3, #1«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Saiouma

**Kokichi:** *screams*

 **Kaito:** *screams louder to assert dominance*

 **Shuichi:** "...Should we stop them?"

 **Maki:** "No, I want to see who wins."

~

 **Kaede:** "You know, bisexuality isn't that hard to understand. Girls are cute, guys are cute. What more do you want from me?"

 **Kokichi:** "I want your wallet."

~

 **Kokichi:** "My DNA test results came back positive. I definitely have DNA!"

 **Kiibo:** "Stop bragging."

~

 **Kokichi:** "I'm under stress, and I'm under pressure."

 **Kokichi:** "The only thing I'm not under right now is Shuichi, which is a damn shame, honestly."

~

 **Kaito:** "Stop dating my sidekick!"

 **Kokichi:** "You know what? I'm gonna start dating him EVEN _HARDER_."

~

 **Maki, about Kokichi:** "Why is he doing that?"

 **Shuichi:** "Doing what?"

 **Maki:** "You know, breathing."

~

 **Kokichi:** "Truth or dare?"

 **Shuichi:** "Truth."

 **Kokichi:** "Do you want to kiss me?"

 **Shuichi:** "Dare."

 **Kokichi:** "I dare you to kiss me."

 **Shuichi:** "Never have I ever—"

 **Kokichi:** " _THAT'S NOT THE GAME_ —"

~

 **Shuichi:** "Is something burning?"

 **Kokichi, sitting seductively on the counter:** "Just my desire for you~."

**Shuichi:**

**Shuichi:** "Kokichi, the TOASTER'S ON _FIRE_ —"

~

 **Shuichi:** "Hi, can I have a venti vanilla latte with...seven espresso shots?"

 **Kokichi, next in line:** "Oh, my God, just do cocaine!"

~

 **Shuichi, teaching Kaito to drive:** "Okay, say you're going down the street when you see Kokichi and a child suddenly walking across. Quick, what do you hit?"

 **Kaito:** "Oh, definitely Kokichi."

 **Shuichi, rubbing his temples:** "The breaks, Kaito. You hit the BREAKS."


	5. ✦THH, #2✦

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Celesgiri, Naegami, Ishimondo

**Makoto, to Junko:** "I'm not scared of you! None of us are!"

 **Yasuhiro:** "I kind of am."

 **Aoi:** "Hiro, shut up!"

~

 **Makoto:** "I wasn't drunk."

 **Byakuya:** "You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important."

 **Makoto, choking on tears:** "But YOU ARE!"

~

 **Junko:** "Every girl wants to date a prince or princess."

 **Celeste:** "Why should I want a princess when I have a queen that treats me like the queen I am?"

 **Kyoko:** *high-fives Celeste*

 **Makoto:** "Why aren't we like that?"

 **Byakuya:** "Because you're a peasant."

~

 **Taka:** "Hey, bro, wanna go around the world?"

 **Mondo:** "Hell yeah, I do, bro."

 **Taka:** "Let's go then, bro."

 **Taka:** *walks around Mondo*

 **Mondo:** "Uh, why'd you do that, bro?"

 **Taka:** "'Cause you're my world, bro."

 **Mondo:** "Goddammit, bro."

~

 **Kyoko:** "We need to talk. Makoto, close the door."

 **Makoto:** "It's already closed."

 **Kyoko:** "Close it more."

~

 **Makoto:** *kisses Byakuya's cheek*

 **Byakuya:** "What was that?"

 **Makoto:** "Affection!"

 **Byakuya:** "Disgusting."

**Makoto:**

**Byakuya:**

**Byakuya:** "Do it again."

~

 **Byakuya:** "You're late."

 **Makoto:** "You're stunning."

 **Byakuya, smiling:** "You're forgiven."

~

 **Byakuya:** "I'm getting married."

 **Makoto:** "Oh, that's great, Byakuya! I'm happy for you—"

 **Byakuya, slamming down a stack of marriage papers:** "It's you. Sign here."

~

 **Makoto:** "You're really tall, Byakuya! What can you see from up there?"

 **Byakuya:** "Everyone's flaws."

~

 **Makoto, on the phone:** "What's up, Sayaka?"

 **Sayaka:** "I'm sitting in a pool of blood."

 **Makoto:** "...Um, is it YOUR blood?"

 **Sayaka:** "I think so."

 **Makoto:** "Do you know where the blood's coming from?"

 **Sayaka:** "Probably the stab wound."

 **Makoto:** "YOU'VE BEEN STABBED?!"

 **Sayaka:** "Oh, yeah, definitely."


	6. ✠SDR2, #2✠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Komahina

**Chiaki:** "Hajime? You look grim. Would it be all right if I asked how you are?"

**Hajime:** "Dammit. I'm bisexual. I was promised invisibility."

**Chiaki:** "You could have just said no."

~

**Nagito:** "Okay, no big deal. I'm not afraid to be alone with my thoughts. My thoughts are pretty alright."

**Nagito:** "Calming music, rainy days, stargazing, hope, no one loving me and dying alone—Oh, that happened fast."

~

**Nagito:** "How do you feel?"

**Izuru:** "I don't."

~

**Nagito:** "I'm sure someday we will look back at this and laugh."

**Fuyuhiko:** "I promise, for the rest of my life, every time I look back at this, I will personally walk to your cottage and smack you."

~

**Hajime, on the phone:** "I'm here to pick you up. Where are you?"

**Nagito:** "Right in front of you."

**Hajime:** "...Is that you on the middle of the road? Laying down?"

**Nagito:** "Yeah."

**Nagito:** " _Floor it_."

~

**Nagito:** "I would like to request the death penalty."

**Judge:** "Uh, sir, it's just a parking ticket—"

**Nagito, leaning into the mic:** "Please kill me."

~

**Nagito, startled:** "Hajime!"

**Nagito:** "Um...how did you find me?"

**Hajime:** "Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered, 'Now, who could that be?'"

~

**Hajime, about Nagito:** "Ugh! I can't believe I'm gonna sleep with him."

**Kazuichi:** "Well, you don't HAVE to."

**Hajime:** "No, I'm gonna."

~

**Hajime:** "Now that I have your attention—"

**Kazuichi:** "You don't have MY attention."

**Hajime:** "Sonia Nevermind."

**Kazuichi:** "I'm listening."

~

**Therapist:** "Tell me about yourself."

**Nagito:** "I get jealous when my phone dies."


	7. »NDRV3, #2«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Saiouma

**Kokichi:** "You know what, Space Idiot? There's a 'u' in 'stupid'!"

 **Kaito:** "Oh, yeah? Well, there's an 'i' in 'stupid' as well!"

**Kokichi:**

**Kaito:**

**Kaito:** "No, wait—"

~

 **Priest:** "Do you, Shuichi Saihara, take Kokichi Ouma, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

 **Shuichi:** "I do."

 **Kokichi, whispering:** "That's gay."

~

 **Shuichi, on the phone:** "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU THREE?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU FOR HOURS!"

 **Rantaro:** "Oh, yeah...Uh, we went to a bar, had a good time, then we got into a bar fight, so we left and, um..."

 **Kokichi, mouthing:** _Escape room_.

 **Rantaro:** "And then we went to an escape room!"

 **Shuichi:** "WHO THE _FUCK_ GOES TO AN ESCAPE ROOM AFTER A BAR FI—"

**Shuichi:**

**Shuichi, sighing:** "You three are in jail, aren't you?"

 **Miu, picking a lock in the background:** "We're in a damn room, and we're trying to eSCAPE—"

~

 **Kokichi, after being shot twice with an arrow:** "Hit or miss...I guess they never miss, huh?"

 **Kaito, to Maki:** "Shoot him again!"

~

 **Kokichi:** "I'm the Ultimate Supreme Leader! There's nothing you can do to stop me!"

 **Kaede:** "I'm telling Shuichi!"

 **Kokichi:** "Wait, no—"

~

 **Shuichi:** *screams into a jar and seals it*

**Shuichi:**

**Shuichi:** "Everything's fine."

~

 **Himiko:** "Pick a card! Any card!"

 **Kokichi:** *grabs a card*

**Himiko:**

**Himiko:** "That's my credit card."

 **Kokichi:** "Abracadabra, bitch."

~

 **Maki:** "So you're dating Shuichi?"

 **Kokichi:** "What, you didn't think he'd be my type?"

 **Maki:** "I didn't think he'd lower his standards."

~

 **Shuichi:** "Kokichi, I talk to you for a moment? In private, please?"

 **Kokichi:** "Oooooh! Someone's in trooouuuuble!"

 **Kokichi:** "...It's me."

 **Kokichi:** "I have no idea why I said that."

~

 **Maki, watching the news:** "Some idiot tried to fight a goose at the park."

 **Kaito, covered in bite marks and feathers:** "Maybe the goose was being a dick."


	8. ✲✦THH, #3 + UDG✦✲

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Naegami, Tokomaru/Syomaru, Ikuzono

**Hifumi:** "You played me like a fiddle!"

 **Celeste:** "Actually, fiddles are quite difficult to play. I played you like the cheap-ass kazoo you are."

~

 **Genocide Jack:** "My criminal record? The only illegal thing I've ever done is absolutely killing it on the dance floor!"

 **Genocide Jack:** "Haha! Just kidding! I'm a serial killer!"

~

 **Byakuya:** "Personally, I blame you."

 **Makoto:** "Why?"

 **Byakuya:** "Because otherwise, it's my fault, and that can't be right."

~

 **Toko:** "I don't have any friends."

 **Komaru:** "Those are bold words for someone within hugging range."

~

 **Celeste:** "It must be nice being rich instead of having to develop a likable personality."

 **Byakuya:** "Shut up."

 **Celeste:** "Buy my silence."

~

 **Aoi:** "Byakuya would never agree to that."

 **Makoto:** "Watch this."

 **Makoto, with puppy dog eyes:** "Byakuya, can we—"

 **Byakuya:** "Of course."

~

 **Byakuya:** "Every talk I have with you people gets more and more absurd."

 **Makoto:** "You say 'you people' like you're not part of the group. Well, I got news for you, Byakuya. You're already on the Christmas card."

~

 **Mukuro:** "Weird, all my shirts are disappearing."

 **Sayaka, wearing one of Mukuro's shirts for the fourth day in a row:** "Oooh, spooky."

~

 **Makoto:** "Look, Byakuya, I made a marshmallow of you! See? His arms are crossed because he's mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?"

 **Byakuya, holding back tears:** "It's acceptable."

~

 **Komaru, reading a book and barely paying attention:** "Should I be concerned?"

 **Genocide Jack, dragging a dead body:** "Nope! Just making tea, honey!"


	9. ✠SDR2, #3✠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Komahina

**Kazuichi:** "I guess you could say I'm kind of a chicken magnet."

**Hajime:** "Uh, don't you mean 'chick magnet'?"

**[sounds of distant clucking get louder]**

**Kazuichi:** "We have to go, NOW—"

~

**Hajime:** "It's day 23 of living in the dorms with Nagito and Kokichi. I don't know how much more I can take. They're driving me—"

**Kokichi, from the other room, to the tune of The Final Countdown:** "IT'S A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!"

**Nagito:** *off-key kazoo*

**Hajime:** "—fucking insane."

~

**Hajime:** *traps a spider under a cup*

**Nagito:** *places two other cups next to it*

**Hajime:** "Please, no—"

**Nagito:** *shuffles the cups*

~

**Hajime, attempting to flirt:** "Did it hurt—"

**Nagito:** "Yes."

**Hajime:** "...You didn't wait for the 'when you fell from heaven' part."

**Nagito:** "Everything hurts."

~

**Peko:** "Young master, I wish you'd just admit when you've made a mistake."

**Fuyuhiko, stirring his coffee:** "Well, what if I LIKE it with salt?"

~

**Nagito:** "Hajime, what exactly do you think of me?"

**Hajime:** "Somewhere between 'fuck you' and 'I'd fuck you.'"

~

**Mikan:** "Th-This says that y-your blood pressure is f-four hundred twenty o-over sixty-nine."

**Nagito:** "Nice."

**Mikan:** "Y-You're going t-to die!"

**Nagito:** " _NICE_."

~

**Hajime:** "I barely got any sleep last night."

**Chiaki:** "You know what they say. When you can't sleep, that means someone's thinking of you."

**Hajime:** "Well, who the hell would be thinking about me at 3 AM?"

**Nagito:** *gay panic*

~

**Fuyuhiko:** "What did you do now?"

**Hajime** : "We'll tell you, but you can't get mad at us."

**Fuyuhiko:** "Fine."

**Kazuichi:** "So we were minding our own business—"

**Fuyuhiko, slamming his hands on the table:** "BULLSHIT!"

**Kazuichi:** "We were!"

~

**[Hajime and Nagito arguing]**

**Hajime:** "I HATE YOU!"

**Nagito:** "I HATE ME MORE!"

**Hajime:**

**Hajime, softly:** "Babe, we've talked about this..."


	10. »NDRV3, #3«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Saiouma, Tenmiko

**Kaede:** "What's Kokichi to you?"

 **Shuichi:** "The reason I wake up every morning."

 **Kaede:** "That's sweet!"

**[Every morning]**

**Kokichi, banging pots and pans:** "WAKE UP, WAKE, UP, WAKE UP!"

~

 **Kokichi:** "You know what would be sexy~? Eating food off each other~."

**Shuichi:**

**Kokichi:**

**Shuichi:** "You didn't do the dishes?"

 **Kokichi:** "Not a single plate."

~

 **Miu, mixing honey into her tea:** "Hell yeah, get in that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce."

 **Kaede:** "...Do you take constructive criticism?"

 **Miu, picking up her tea:** "I absolutely fucking do not!"

~

 **Angie:** "Why please a man when you can please a god?"

 **Rantaro:** "Because sucking a dick feels better than praying, I guess."

 **Kokichi:** "YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES EITHER WAY!"

~

 **Kaede:** "What's a way to be nice to people?"

 **Maki:** "Not killing them."

 **Kaede:** "...Setting the bar a little low, but it's a start."

~

 **Rantaro:** "When straight people assume I'm one of them, I feel like a gay secret agent."

 **Tenko:** "Lesbionage."

 **Kaede:** "Bi spy."

 **Kirumi:** "It's an ace case."

 **Miu:** "Pan with a plan!"

 **Kokichi:** "...Secret gaygent."

~

 **Tenko:** "Um, when you said 'magical in bed,' this isn't exactly what I was expecting."

 **Himiko, holding up an 8 of hearts:** "Is this your card?"

 **Tenko, softly:** "Holy shit..."

~

 **Kokichi:** *sneaks through the window at 2 AM*

**[Lights turn on to reveal Shuichi]**

**Shuichi:** "And just where were you?"

 **Kokichi:** "I was with Rantaro!"

**[Chair turns around to reveal Rantaro]**

**Rantaro:** "Wanna try that again?"

 **Kokichi, under his breath:** "Shit."

~

 **Shuichi, answering the phone:** "Hello?"

 **Kokichi:** "Hey, it's Kokichi!"

 **Shuichi:** "God, what'd he do now?"

 **Kokichi:** "No, it's me! Kokichi!"

 **Shuichi:** "Oh."

 **Shuichi:** "God, what'd you do now?"

~

 **Kokichi:** "Hey, wanna fuck?"

 **Shuichi:** "Why do you have to say it like that? It's supposed to be a magical moment."

 **Kokichi:** *clears his throat*

 **Kokichi:** "Hocus-pocus lemme strokus?"


	11. ✠SDR2, #4✠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Tsumioda, Komahina, Kamukoma

**Mikan:** "I-Ibuki, w-what do bees make?"

 **Ibuki:** "Honey?"

 **Mikan:** "Y-Yes, dear?"

 **Ibuki, hugging Mikan:** "Aww~!"

**vs:**

**Nagito:** "Hajime, what do bees make?"

 **Hajime:** "Some buzzing noise. Why, what do you want now?"

~

 **Hajime:** "Do you know why I called you here?"

 **Nagito:** "Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic?"

 **Hajime:** *stops pouring two glasses of wine*

 **Hajime:** " _Accidentally_?"

~

 **Therapist:** "This one will be easy. Just tell me about your happiest childhood memory."

 **Nagito:** "My what now?"

~

 **Hajime:** "Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter! You go first!"

 **Nagito:** "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 **Hajime:** "Okay, look, I'm not sure where to go with that."

~

 **Hajime:** "Hey, I've seen worse."

 **Kazuichi:** "Really?!"

 **Hajime:** "No, we are most definitely fucked."

~

 **Sonia:** "What if we inverted our initials?"

 **Sonia:** "Nonia Severmind."

 **Nagito:** "Kagito Nomaeda."

 **Kazuichi:** "Sazuichi Kouda."

 **Hajime:** "Hajime Hi—This game is stupid."

~

 **Izuru:** "I don't think I could ever like anyone. Let alone love someone."

 **Nagito:** *exists*

 **Izuru:** "Shit."

~

 **Kazuichi:** "I almost choked to death last night!"

 **Hajime:** "You'll be fine. Next time just stay still and breathe in through your nose before you take more."

 **Kazuichi:** "...I was talking about choking on food...What the fuck are _you_ talking about?"

 **Hajime:** "...I was talking about choking on stuff in general..."

 **Nagito, smugly:** "I'm stuff in general."

~

 **Hiyoko:** "I'm nice!"

 **Fuyuhiko:** *hands her a napkin*

 **Hiyoko:** "What's this for?"

 **Fuyuhiko:** "You have some bullshit on your lip."

~

 **Hajime:** "Hi, I'm Hajime Hinata. What's your name?"

 **Nagito:** "I hope our children have your eyes."

**Hajime:**

**Nagito:**

**Hajime:** "...What?"

 **Nagito:** "Nagito Komaeda."


	12. »NDRV3, #4«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship(s): Saiouma, Kiibouma, Oumami, Harumota

**Kokichi:** :(

 **Kaede:** Turn that frown upside down!

 **Kokichi:** ):

 **Kaede:** Listen here, you little shit

~

 **Rantaro:** "Anyone could be gay and you'd have no idea. Your cashier could be gay, your bartender could be gay."

**Shuichi:**

**Rantaro:** "The guy sucking your dick could be gay!"

 **Shuichi:** "But he said 'no homo'?"

 **Rantaro:** "HE _LIED_."

 **Shuichi:** *looks over at Kokichi*

 **Kokichi:** "Fuck."

~

 **Kokichi:** "Handcuffs? Wow, you're kinky..."

 **Shuichi:** "First off, I'm a detective. And secondly, you're being placed under arrest."

~

 **Shuichi:** "I'm seeing someone, but I'm worried about telling you who, because you're not going to like it."

 **Kaito:** "Just rip the bandage off, sidekick!"

 **Shuichi:** "It's Kokichi."

 **Maki:** "Put the bandage back on."

~

 **Maki:** "Am I in heaven?"

 **Kokichi:** "Heya, Maki!"

 **Maki:** "Oh, God, I'm in hell."

~

 **Angie:** "Octopi have eight arms and could therefore hug four people at once because they are blessed by Atua. However, they hug no one because they have made a covenant with the devil. Any questions?"

 **Kiibo:** "Where is our regular pastor?"

 **Angie:** "In a better place now. Sit down immediately."

~

 **Kaede:** "Okay, everybody, we'll be putting stuff we love inside of this box!"

 **Shuichi:** "Can I put Kokichi inside the box?"

 **Kaede, sighing:** "No, Shuichi, you may not put Kokichi inside the box."

 **Kiibo:** "Can I put Kokichi inside the box?"

 **Kaede:** "No! You're not putting Kokichi inside the box!"

 **Rantaro:** "Can I—"

 **Kaede:** "NO ONE IS PUTTING KOKICHI INSIDE THE GODDAMN BOX!"

~

 **Kaede:** "So how's motherhood treating you?"

 **Maki:** "Good. I didn't expect this much crying, though."

 **Kaede:** "Don't worry, it's normal for babies."

 **Maki:** "What? The baby's fine. I was talking about Kaito."

 **Kaito, sobbing from the nursery:** "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

~

 **Kokichi:** "It's not illegal."

 **Shuichi, staring into Kokichi's car's trunk which is full of bottles of Panta:** "It's just...there's so much—"

 **Kokichi:** "But it's not illegal."

~

 **Kokichi:** "I have an AMAZING gaydar. I can sense another person's homosexuality almost instantaneously."

 **Shuichi:** "I've been in love with you for years."

 **Kokichi:** "You wHAT—"


End file.
